Uncle Eddy Defends Meals on Wheels


Me:  Uncle Eddy, what’s going on?

Eddy:  I don’t get down too much, Charlie.  But I read up on the new Budget and the cuts they’re making.   I can’t figure out if I’m depressed or pissed off.

Me: Spit it out.

Eddy:  I don’t give a crap about the artsy-fartsy stuff, although it’s a shame.  But the research cuts scare the crap out of me, especially with your Aunt Marge not feeling so good.  And Medicaid – that really scares the snot out of me.  I ain’t made of money, kid, and I ain’t getting no younger.

Me:  Uncle Ed, I think we have to hope that our local congressmen won’t go along with it.

Eddy:  Yeh – they’d be voting themselves out of work come next election.  But you know what pisses me off the most?


Me:  I guess you’re going to tell me.

Eddy: That they could even think of cutting Meals on Wheels.  Those fat cats are cutting off the only food that some of the old and poor people around here get.  Can you imagine?  They spend bazillions on all kinds of crap, building airports and crap, and they want to cut off food.   That’s crazy.  There’s an old couple who live down the road here, and everybody here tries to give them a baking dish full sometimes.  Your Aunt Marge tries to get them something once a week and Helen next door takes them shopping cause they ain’t got no car.  So they NEED them Meals on Wheels.    

Me:  Man, that is sad.

Eddy:  Here’s the worst part, Charlie.  It’s being done by guys who ain’t never been cold or hungry, or missed a meal, and who eat lunch in them fancy restaurants and you and I is paying for it.  I seen on TV the food they cook in that Congress chow hall and they eat like kings — but will let old people starve.  Bull crap!


Uncle Eddy’s Take On The EPA


Me:  Eddy!  Got your voice mail.  You sound in a good mood for a change.

Eddy:  Hey, Charlie, I’m laughing at this latest bull crap from the White House.

Me:  Better get more specific, Uncle Ed.

Eddy:  That EPA crap.  Trump’s taking off all kinds of restrictions on the EPA.  Says that’s going to bring back jobs.

Me:  Well some industries think the Clean Air rules give advantages to China where they don’t have any.

Eddy:  Listen, it was damned smoky up and down the Valley when the mills was running full blast.  But that ain’t what shut them down.  Might have cost them a few bucks, but didn’t shut them down.  It was prices, kid – prices.  Labor was part of that, I gotta admit it.  But a China guy would work for a buck or two a day, that ain’t what labor here wanted.  You can’t put food on the table that way.

Me:  And that means?

Eddy: It means that you can take away all the smoke laws and them mills ain’t coming back because we need more money for our labor.  I figured the new government was smart enough to see that.  I sure called that one wrong.

Me:  What about Trump loosening restrictions on coal.  He said “the miner’s are coming back”.

Eddy: Coal schmoal!   Nobody burns coal no more – gas is too cheap.  Nobody going to clean out them boilers every day, and haul away ash.  And ain’t no miner’s coming back.  Let me tell you something kid,  nobody ever “wanted” to grow up to be a coal miner.  Guys mine coal ’cause that’s where they was born — ain’t nothing else to do.  I know a lots  of them, south of here, and they all wanted their  kids to have something better.  It’s dirty, it’s dangerous and you only do it if it’s the only way to feed the family.

Me:  So I guess it’s going to get pretty smoky in some towns?

Eddy:  Hell, kid, most smoke’s made when politicians is trying  to blow it up our ass.


Uncle Eddy Slams The Press

Me:  How’s it going, Eddy?  You calm enough to give me your opinion on the way the press handles some DC stuff?  By the way, I put your comments in my blog, and lots of people agree with what you say.

Eddy:  Kid, I’ve always got an opinion.  Only thing is:  them ICE guys ain’t gonna come after me are they?  All this bull crap I read says they tap everyone’s phones and even their TV.  I ain’t afraid of anything, and you know that, Charlie.  But I got grandkids now.

Me: Uncle Eddy, you’re a Vet.  You fought for this country.  I think you’re entitled to your opinions.  So don’t sweat it.  So here’s my question: do thou think the TV and newspapers are being too tough on Washington?

Eddy:  They’re supposed to do that.  It’s their job.  The more heat the better.  Them old guys like Cronkite and Murrow, they knew how to do it.  And them 2 guys that blew the whistle on Nixon.  How in hell do we know what those clowns in DC is doing unless somebody reports it?

Me:  You think they’re being tough enough on Washington?

Eddy:  Hell, no!  You know something happens overseas – and bad stuff does happen – they spend all kinds of time showing it.  Refugees, hungry kids, people all screwed up with some disease.  But why isn’t anyone coming here?  Or to Cleveland?  Or Pittsburgh?  I guess maybe the lines at the Unemployment office ain’t glamorous enough.  Seems only hungry foreign kids are important.  Let me tell you something, Charlie.  Don’t forget your roots, kid.  You remember, I know.  A hungry kid here in Ohio is still a hungry kid.  Who gives a damn about that?  So everyone in Washington is hot to keep them Muslims out.  OK – so how does that help me find work?  The only guys who have steady work are the guys who run around rounding up illegals.  The rest of us – no one gives a damn.

Me:  Too much world news?

Eddy:   I didn’t say too much, I’m just saying look at some of the messes around here before you start showing kids in Syria.  Kid in Chicago ain’t got no shoes for winter, but that ain’t glamorous for them.  They show all kinds of pictures of kids in Egypt, though.

Me:  You don’t think any of that’s important, Eddy?

Eddy:  Not when my grandkids are going without stuff.  Them Washington guys, you better believe all their kids ain’t missing any meals.

Me:  You’ve got a point, Uncle Eddy. 

Eddy:  Damned right I do.  Until people can go back to work and start earning something, the rest of this is all crap.  That’s we voted for all these guys – they made big promises.  So when does it happen?  Maybe the press people aren’t being tough enough.  You get pictures of how bad they live in like Haiti, but you never get no pictures about how good them congress people are living.  The President, he ain’t missing any meals.  He flies to Florida every week and we pay for it.  You know how many TV stations complained on that?  Well I only seen one.  Just one.  I think more of  them TV guys need to grow a pair.

Me: I don’t know, Ed.  We’ll both have to see.

Uncle Eddy and The ICE Raids

Me: Uncle Eddy, I got your phone call.  You sounded ticked off.  What’s the deal?

Eddy:  Of course I’m ticked off.  Big time.  Them ICE guys just pulled off a bunch of raids in this part of Ohio and grabbed up 54 dudes who were working in Mexican restaurants.  Why are they wasting time like that?

Me:  I think they’re just doing their jobs, Ed, and rounding up illegals.

Eddy:  That’s bullcrap, Charlie.  How does that help me?  I ain’t looking to work in no Mexican restaurant, so it ain’t like I’m gonna run down and apply for one of them jobs.   I make steel, not tacos.  So it don’t help none.  You hear what I’m saying?

Me:  I hear you, Ed, but I think it’s all  part of border security.    

Eddy:  Charlie!  You grew up here,  kid.  The border is 1600 miles away.  I’m closer to Canada than that.  How’s that make me safer?

Me: You got a point, Ed.  Maybe  Texas is  safer.

Eddy:  This is Youngstown!  We need work, not raids!

Me:  I understand, Ed.  What should they be doing? 

Eddy:  Instead of wasting time rounding up restaurant guys, how about rounding up some jobs?  Seems to me the government is doing everything else BUT  making jobs.  They fight about who’s talking to Russians, screaming about emails and wire taps, and my grandkids are still getting hungry.   They’re all fighting about who’s going to be on some cabinet and I don’t see anyone who’s like the “secretary of jobs”.  Charlie, I don’t understand all that tax crap, I don’t know all that tariff talk, I don’t know all the embargo crap – whatever that is.  But you name me one person – just one – who is standing up and saying “I’m making some jobs in the Mahoning Valley.”

Me:  So bottom line with you, the anti-immigration move is going way too far?

Eddy:  Damn right it is.  Listen, kid, I didn’t finish high school, but I ain’t stupid.  There’s only so much money.  If they spend big time on all this raid bull,  checking everyone who’s got the wrong color skin, what happens to all the stuff we need?  Tell me that?  What about insurance, social security increases,  the fact that I-80 and I-90 are full of potholes, and some of them bridges is falling apart?  But we got the cash to chase down illegal guys working in Mexican restaurants?  Bull crap.

Me:  And you don’t worry about people from Muslim countries coming in?

Eddy:  I don’t know how much you remember back in the 40’s and 50’s  We was fighting with Germany and Italy.  And then we fussed about Russia, Poland, Yugoslavia, Slovakia, and Hungary.   Now if they had this “detaining” bull crap back then,  you’d have most of Cleveland, Youngstown, Pittsburgh, and Detroit in some kind of camps.  That’s where we all came from, kid.  If I remember,   your Grandma spoke mostly Hungarian.  Nobody tried to round her up.  We all come from somewhere.

Me: Listen, calm down, Uncle Eddy.  We’ll talk some more in a couple of days.