Uncle Eddy Remembers Reagan’s Cheese

Me:  Uncle Eddy.  Glad you called.  What’s cooking?

Uncle Eddy: Well, Charlie, I’m waiting on cheese.  See everybody says Reagan was a great guy and they forget the cheese.

Me:  Not sure I follow you, Ed.

Uncle Eddy:  Remember when Reagan had a big-ass mountain of cheese and figured he’d feed the poor?

Me:  Ouch!  I remember.  It was back in the 80’s.  The government bought surplus milk from farmers and turned it into cheese.  If I recall, they had warehouses all over the country and had about 560 million pounds of cheese.

Uncle Eddy:  I ain’t so good at math no more, so how much is that?

Me:  I’d guess it would make about 4 piles, each as big as an aircraft carrier.

Uncle Eddy:  Well it pissed me off then and will again.  So Ronnie plays hero and gives it to the poor who can’t afford no better.  He could have upped their welfare, but Republicans don’t like welfare, so he give away cheese.

Me:  I guess you’re going to tell me about it.

Uncle Eddy:  Damn straight.  Things was slow at the mills,  I got laid off for the winter. Benefits wasn’t much and it was rough keeping food on the table, and I hear about this cheese give-away.

Me:  I think every state could have up to 30 million pounds.

Uncle Eddy:  Yeh.  But imagine this, Charlie – your kids is hungry and you stand in line for cheese, maybe your wife, too, and at the end of the line you get a 5 pound block of cheese.   Charlie, I ain’t a high-class guy, but I got some pride and it don’t do much for a man’s self-respect to stand in line for a brick of cheese.  But kids got to eat, so pride-schmide.  So we stood there and got our share.

Me:  Sorry you had to do that, Ed.  And I didn’t know.

Uncle Eddy:  Well I know you seen your own hard times, but this was the hardest.   We ate so damn much macaroni and cheese I didn’t take a dump until the mills re-opened in the spring.  And kept standing in line until then.

Me: But that’s in the past, Uncle Ed.

Uncle Eddy:  Maybe. I found out the government’s still buys milk from farmers and stores it up, and got millions of pounds again.  And them Congress guys don’t like welfare, cause they ain’t never been hungry. So I figure it’s cheaper for them to give us more cheese.  So the Prez will give it out.  Wait and see.